


Hiraeth

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Cigarettes, Fluff, Jaehyun is too tbh, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung is Whipped, M/M, Smoking, THE BEST TROPE, also this is my first fic please be kind, back-hugs, i love dojae, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 20:27:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20570375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: what’s a home he can’t return to when his home is jung jaehyun?alternatively,doyoung smokes on the one clear night they get and lets himself appreciate it.





	Hiraeth

**Author's Note:**

> because i live for smoker doyoung and all i wanna do is look out of a hotel room window and into the night sky.

doyoung doesn’t usually smoke. sure, he can, but it’s not a habit. he doesn’t constantly need a fix of it, nor does he do it everyday. tonight is different though.

tonight, he feels like looking out his bedroom window with a parliament light as his company. it’s drawn from the pack he’s had for a month now, bought before they had even left korea.

he takes a long drag, letting the smoke fill his lungs; inhaling the clean air before he pollutes it. he’s clad in nothing but a gifted blue pajamas, and his hair carelessly combed.

seldom does he get to have a moment to himself. a life of cities and shows cannot promise the simple stillness a ‘normal’ one can. but when given the chance to calm down for a bit, he makes the most of it.

he watches the smoke he exhales fill the space before him. it mesmerizes him, and he’s sucked into the detail of something so everyday.

doyoung, as he inhales another drag, mentally pretends he’s not doyoung of nct. he pretends that he’s just kim dongyoung, the semi-smart kid from guri that happens to sing sometimes. he pretends to live in a reality without the fame and attention.

he builds his own little smoke-filled world away from everything, even if it’s just within the bounds of his hotel window. counting the stars, he imagines them as little portals to different realities. one particularly bright star, he decides, is the portal to a reality he wishes to see the most. one where never chose to audition. one where he was just...himself.

there’s a a longing growing in his heart, but at least the cigarette is about to end. as soon as the cig finishes, the butt is chucked to the ashtray by the sill. he stretches his arms, an alarm clock in the distance beeping as midnight strikes.

he lingers by the window, relishing in the moment of stillness so rarely found in a world that just won’t let him rest. a world that won’t stop moving and he always has to keep up, he finally has a moment to breathe. he closes his eyes, letting the cold air cool his face. no car horns, no chatter, no city things. it’s a silent, wonderful evening filled with stars. stars that he wants to reach out to, if only he could just...

there’s arms around his waist.

a body pressing on to his back. doyoung can’t help a smile, leaning into the figure behind him.

“doyoung...why are you still up?”

_ aw, he’s nagging_, doyoung thinks. but he can’t say he doesn’t love it.

“sorry, jae, did i wake you? i didn’t know throwing out a cigarette butt could be so loud.”

“oh, don’t be a smart ass,” jaehyun whines. he starts swaying the two of them side to side, pressing small kisses to doyoung’s neck.

“come back to bed, i miss you.”

“when have you ever told me that you don’t?” doyoung smiles, turning his head and planting a kiss on jaehyun’s lips.

“never, really. i still miss you when you’re right here.”

“is that supposed to mean something?”

“it means i love you, doie. i love you so, so much.”

doyoung giggles, “i love you too. so, so much.”

jaehyun is the one to kiss doyoung this time. he lingers for a moment and tastes the smoke on doyoung’s lips before pulling away, looking doyoung in the eyes.

“baby, we still have a show tomorrow. you- we need to rest.”

“can’t i rest with you like this?”

“can you not be cheesy?”

he giggles again. only jaehyun can make him feel like a happy child.

“just hold me for a moment, jae, then we’ll go to sleep.”

jaehyun hums, snuggling into doyoung’s neck and pulling him closer to his chest. doyoung loves it when he and jaehyun can just stop and hold each other, even for a moment. even a little while with jaehyun means so much to him.

and maybe this sounds cliché, but he’s the reason doyoung won’t _regret_ the path he’s chosen. perhaps in that reality he lived the ordinary life he could have, but perhaps in that reality he would have never met jaehyun. doyoung likes to believe that he’s the bittersweet trade off.

but still, a private life with jaehyun is a dream for doyoung. even when they grow old, they’re still somehow going to be in the spotlight. you can’t make the public, the _fans_, forget you even when you’re well over the idol age. 

idol life sure as hell isn’t easy, either. if he falters even slightly, then everything he and his group had worked for goes down the drain. the media and the public will never be kind, and he’s going to have to remember that if he wants to keep his career.

though it’s times like these, times meant just for him and jaehyun, that keep him grounded. there will never be a day where he doesn’t miss his life before the spotlight. in his new world of recordings, photoshoots, concerts, and performances, he’ll always long for the simplicity he can never return to.

but when his fast-paced world finally stops for him, and he gets to hold jaehyun a little tighter; when, for a split second, everything doesn’t feel like it could slip away in the blink of an eye,

he lets himself love it.

**Author's Note:**

> i swear this fic was so much better in my head.


End file.
